FOX's World Series announcer Tim McCarver

Three innings into Game 7 of the World Series featured a pretty nice looking double play that required a review (which play-by-play guy Joe Buck complained about for taking a whopping two and a half minutes). It prompts Tim McCarver to explain that that Giants player was "a ball player."

He knew what you were thinking though: "What is a ball player?"  Well, McCarver has your answer.

"People will say, 'well, what is a ball player?' ... He runs well, throws well, fields well, hits well, and does it all."


So, in case you were wondering what a "ball player" is, it's someone who, ya know, does all the things required to play the sport. Now, I'm no baseball guy, but I'm pretty sure if you had a guy who runs well, but doesn't field well or hit well, he'd just be, ya know, some guy.

ESPN's NFL analyst Trent Dilfer

All right, this one might be cheating because it's so blatantly moronic a thing to say - whether you're talking a die hard football fan or a six year old child - and also it's been making its way around the internet. Odds are, you've probably already seen it. It's stupid enough to go viral.

In the aftermath of one of the Patriots losses earlier in the season - you know, a month ago when everyone was saying Tom "Christ in Eye Black" Brady was washed up and the Patriots were going to be lucky to make the playoffs - Trent Dilfer offered a critical piece of analysis. It was one of those moments so brilliant that you almost wonder where it even came from. The key to success in the NFL is, it turns out, winning. Don't take my word for it. Take ESPN's Mr. Clean's:





"You cannot lose games in the NFL and still win." 

Also have to love that no one around him seems to react. I can't tell if Tom Jackson is spacing out or if he's paralyzed trying to figure out what exactly Dilfer is saying. It appears as though he hears the words, but he's not really listening.

To be fair to Dilfer, this is just one snippet of a larger point. Of course, it's such a nonsense statement in any capacity for any reason, it's hard to imagine any point needing that kind of set up. Maybe we can try a few similar statements.

"You cannot drop out of school and still graduate."

"You cannot die in the real world and still live."

"You cannot turn off the power and still watch analysts say stupid things on television."

Yeah. Maybe it was part of a larger statement, but it was a building block that was entirely pointless. Pretty sure even the least interested NFL fan could tell you the same thing. Maybe that's what ESPN should do, actually. Maybe hire people who know nothing about sports to do the analysis. Who knows what kind of stuff they might say!


But ya know what? He's not wrong, so...good analysis? 

NFL on CBS Play-By-Play Guy Kevin Harlan

The New York Jets continued to make you wonder how it ever was they were one game away from a Super Bowl appearance two years in a row when they got beat pretty badly by the Buffalo Bills. There was an initial feeling of excitement at the start of the game, though, with the Jets having just acquired dynamic kick returner and wide receiver Percy Harvin. 

When the game kicked off though, NFL on CBS play-by-play announcer Kevin Harlan tried to add some color commentary by describing Harvin's kick return going directly into "the bright New England sun."

Think on that for a moment. The two teams playing were the Buffalo Bills and the New York Jets. Both teams are in New York. But it was also a home game for the Jets, which meant the game was being played in New Jersey. 

Do people outside of New England really have no idea what "New England" - geographically speaking - is? Sure, the New England sun was bright too. Probably because the New England sun is actually no different than the New York sun or the Pittsburgh sun or the Jacksonville sun. (There's only one of 'em.) But still, if you're going to be the play-by-play guy for a major broadcasting network, you should probably figure out where you are first and foremost.

ESPN World Series radio announcer Aaron Boone

Sometimes, it can be difficult for people who aren't into sports to understand what the keys to success are. If you don't know how the game really works, how can you really know what to watch or listen for?  At the same time, sports fans generally have an idea. Announcers have to try and split that difference in crowd, giving the non or new sports fans insight, while not talking down to their more "hardcore audience."

Enter Aaron Boone - former Red Sox dream slayer and current World Series announcer for ESPN radio - with this nugget. Not much set up is required, but it occurred around the top of the sixth inning. Lorenzo Cain had just lined out to left field to end the half.  

"It's all about making mistakes, and not making mistakes," said Boone just before heading to commercial break.

Well, there you go, non-sports fans! Winning and losing is all about making mistakes and not making mistakes.

To be fair to Boone, technically speaking, he's not wrong. But isn't that sort of true about everything?

"Surgery: It's all about making mistakes, and not making mistakes." Yeah, that seems about right.

"Baking: It's all about making mistakes, and not making mistakes." Ok, definitely seems to apply.

"Driving: It's all about making mistakes, and not making mistakes." Seems accurate. 

"Sex: it's all about making mistakes, and not making mistakes." Totally.

"Sports analysis: it's all about making mistakes, and not making mistakes."  Well...sort of...